As part of the brash rash of wire-brush scouring on the Teflon coating that routinely seals the Obama presidency, a large heavy-duty cast-iron deal has been made of the IRS conducting audits on Tea Party-affiliated organizations. But scratch the surface and it makes a sort of perverse sense.

LOS ANGELES - Fred Durst pleaded no contest to seven misdemeanors, including assault, battery and reckless driving, for deliberately hitting two people with his car.

Dear U.S. Citizen: Please accept our most egregiously sincere apologies for the difficulties and inconveniences the secret monitoring of your phone records and email and GPS units and foreign travel and bank accounts and yes, even your snail mail has evidently caused.

About Will Durst’s mistaken column about gun control and Senator Diane Feinstein’s rants about assault rifles — what does the 2nd Amendment have to do with hunting or target shooting? Nothing. What does it have to do with citizens defending themselves against a government-controlled militia? EVERYTHING! Just ask the successful Viet Cong, the Cambodian Khmer Rouge, the Taliban, and lots of other grassroots insurgencies. The Founding Fathers knew that, and so do a high percentage of US voters.

It’s only human nature to want to take action after such a harrowing traumatic event. To do something. Anything, to protect our kids. And make sure that Newtown never ever happens again. Here. There. Anywhere.

A politician making lemonade after being pelted by a bushel of media-chucked lemons is as familiar as red yarn on the handle of a black bag on the luggage carousel at Chicago's O'Hare airport. But few alive have seen the likes of Rod Blagojevich. Not content to stir up a nice, cold pitcher or erect a simple stand, the former Illinois governor is challenging Minute Maid's supremacy in the field of citrus concentrate. Refusing to exit the stage quietly after removed from office, he instead has gone on the offensive. Some might argue the 52-year-old Democrat has given a whole new meaning to the word "offensive."

Sweaty, wrestling scholars have yet to establish whether it's a Chinese, Arabian or American curse; nonetheless somebody once said, "May you live in interesting times." Well, we are knee-deep in the middle of one of those "interesting times." Any more interesting and psychiatrists will start franchising electro-shock therapy treatments at shopping mall kiosks.

March 9, 2005

NEW YORK - In a sign of the times, the National Debt Clock in New York City has run out of digits to record the growing figure.

This is in response to Will Dursts’ “Guns, Guns and Guns” of Dec. 26, which I found interesting but curiously lacking solid objectivity. His conclusions could lead one to think that opinions and objective reasoning bear no intercorrelation. Despite his credentials, “God, Guns and Guts,” despite Will, did build America and enable us to maintain it.

Will Durst, guest commentary

December 18, 2004

I want to know. You want to know. The whole world wants to know. What's the deal with the surprising retiring Republicans? Not age-related retiring, as in shawl on the lap watching the third DVD of the fifth season of "Matlock" with a glass of tepid tea on the side table. Retiring as in coy, reticent, withdrawn. Obviously, we are not speaking of those pesky majority members of the House - demure as an over-caffeinated grizzly on roller skates gallivanting down a fashion runway and, yes, that means you, Kate Moss.

Will Durst

HOUSTON - The executives facing trial for Enron Corp.’s scandalous collapse have hired lots of high-powered lawyers. Only one is letting his client talk for himself.

Now that the Olympic flame has been doused by the tears of a thousand jade blossoms, it's time for America's most athletically dexterous mutants to stash their red, white and blue togs and head home. And the national spotlight turns to the political conventions featuring our most ethically dexterous mutants. The patriotic rhetoric and colors remain the same, only the fabric changes. Less emphasis on spandex and more on washable wool.

OK, so we're broke. Not "have to stretch to next payday" broke. Really broke. Our accounts are overdrawn, the credit cards are maxed out; and if that's China on the phone, tell them we just stepped out. Yes, again.

They’ve tried fire and robots and domes and booms and drones and boxes and rosary beads and even pantyhose stuffed with human hair, but so far nothing has slowed the Deepwater Horizon oil spill from creeping toward our Southern Coast like a drunken lobbyist staggering toward a free seafood buffet. And almost as ugly. This maritime miasma promises to be the most monumental attack of sludge to hit American shores since Ann Coulter’s most recent book.

Will Durst: Can we stop with the waving of the sharp instruments for a minute and speak rationally to this whole ugly recession mess we find ourselves currently mired in? C’mon. You know what recession mess I’m talking about. 

As the curtain mercifully falls on the Most Important Election of Your Lifetime, the nation breathes a collective sigh of relief. Or does it?

They’ve tried fire and robots and domes and booms and drones and boxes and rosary beads and even pantyhose stuffed with human hair, but so far nothing has slowed the Deepwater Horizon oil spill from creeping toward our Southern Coast like a drunken lobbyist staggering toward a free seafood buffet. And almost as ugly. This maritime miasma promises to be the most monumental attack of sludge to hit American shores since Ann Coulter’s most recent book.

WASHINGTON • Arizona has more than 90 illegal tunnels under its border with Mexico, the most discovered in any state in the Southwest, law enforcement officials told senators this week.

 All I want to know is - what's the big deal? Settle down. People, you're going to pop an embolism the size of a balloon poodle tail. I'm talking about the reaction to the 6-3 vote by the Supreme Court upholding an Indiana law that requires a person to show a photo ID in order to vote.