For his next trick, Tiger Woods will tie one hand behind his back, spot the field five strokes and win the 2009 Masters. Then he'll announce the next day that he needs lasik eye surgery because he can't see farther than 25 yards.
We all thought it was quite the feat that Woods won the U.S. Open after an eight-week layoff and on a left knee that required arthroscopic surgery.
Now we find out Woods was a one-legged man and he still kicked everyone's behind.
Woods disclosed Wednesday that he'll soon undergo season-ending surgery for a torn anterior cruciate ligament in the knee and that he also has two stress fractures in his left tibia.
I whine to my wife when I have a mild headache. Woods is beating the best golfers in the world when his knee is going snap, crackle and pop.
How do you imagine those golfers feel today, by the way?
All of the above?
It's one thing to be in awe of Woods' talent. He's Michael Jordan in soft spikes.
It's another thing to stand aside and let him win his 14th major when he should be back at home on crutches.
Woods' victory was an indictment of his peers - with the notable exception of Rocco Mediate - and a damning statement of what's to come the rest of the season.
Let's be honest: Nobody's going to care about the British Open, the PGA Championship or that silly FedEx Cup without Woods.
He is the PGA Tour. He makes us watch. He piques our interest.
Here's how all-powerful Woods is: Between 9 a.m. and noon Monday - the time trading on the New York Stock Exchange coincided with the playoff round - 709.9 million shares were traded, a 9.2 percent drop from the average of the previous 30 days.
In addition, NBC's rating was 90 percent higher than the 2001 Open playoff between Mark Brooks and Retief Goosen, and NBCSports.com, USOpen.com, PGATour.com, Golf.com and PGA.com all set viewership records Monday.
Think Phil Mickelson drives that kind of traffic?
Oh, there might be some great finishes and big-name winners over the next few months, but it won't be the same without Woods.
Advertisers will ask for a refund when the ratings plummet - CBS' ratings are 171 percent higher when Woods finishes in the top five - and those of us who can spend five hours on a couch engrossed by Woods' every move won't spend an hour watching Vijay Singh.
It's an amazing phenomenon. I'm trying to think of another athlete who ever has had such a hold over their sport, and I can't come up with one.
The NBA was still worth watching without him.
A magnetic presence and an amazing boxer, but the sport also gave us Roberto Duran and Sugar Ray Leonard and Thomas Hearns and George Foreman.
No, Woods stands alone.
He is the most captivating athlete since Babe Ruth, and we will miss him dearly these next few months.
Just when do NFL training camps open?