Scottsdale’s leaders find themselves mired in so many issues that never seem to be solved. Transportation is chief among them, with the latest study pointing the way toward little progress.
We suggest they hit the history books for a novel approach that, while tongue-in-cheek, has a few things to recommend it. The ancient Romans had a theatrical solution for whenever patrons of a third-rate stage production became so bored and confused by the plot that fast action was needed.
They called it deus ex machina, literally, “god out of the machine.” A giant contraption would be wheeled out or fall from the sky, unleashing fiery retribution upon all the characters without sorting out the virtuous or the sinister and bringing the play to an abrupt end. The audience likely was left with several questions while relieved that it was mercifully over.
We have our own little machine here, brought to Scottsdale by none other than the Barrett-Jackson Collector Car Auction:
Don’t laugh. You’ve seen him in the movies and on TV. And unlike our occasionally firebreathing city leadership, most of the time he gets things done.
As Ryan Pronk reported for Monday’s Tribune, Robosaurus is 40 feet tall and weighs 58,000 pounds with foot-long teeth that rip through metal like it was cardboard and nostrils that shoot blasts of fire.
Post him on Loop 101. You floor it past there and the camera’s flash goes off, and he would reach out and grab your car in midlane. After depositing you and your passengers safely on the shoulder — Robosaurus doesn’t eat people, just cars — he’d start chowing down on your Lexus or BMW.
Install him as bouncer outside downtown nightclubs. Any rowdies staggering around at closing time, shouting at the top of their lungs and — well, you guessed it.
Have him stand guard at City Council meetings. When politicians crank up the baseless rhetoric or make stupid proposals, he would close discussion with a window-shattering roar.
In his spare time, he can help step up the pace of SkySong construction, hoisting girders to the tops of buildings — while eating some.
Robosaurus is to be on the block at the Barrett-Jackson auction in January with an expected asking price of $5 million. A small price to pay, we think, to get Scottsdale out of so many jams, pickles, or other jarring issues.