Bad football? You have no idea - East Valley Tribune: Opinion

Bad football? You have no idea

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Posted: Monday, September 25, 2006 6:07 am | Updated: 2:07 pm, Fri Oct 7, 2011.

“I don’t think I’ve been more angry, and I’ve had some bad-ass days since I’ve been here, believe me,” Arizona coach Dennis Green, after the Cardinals’ 16-14 loss to St. Louis Sunday.

Green has a long pedigree as an NFL coach. But when it comes to Big Red misery, two years and three games make him about as qualified to speak on the topic as Matt Ware is to start at cornerback.

Pull up a chair, rookie.

Let me walk you through nearly two decades of bad football. The 4-12 seasons. The 40-point losses. The six-interception games. Have you ever heard the name Tom Tupa?

I’ll agree with Green on one thing.

The most recent debacle always hurts the most. And when you can’t complete one handoff before sending your money kicker onto the field to accept a gift-wrapped win sitting on a silver platter — let’s just say that’s not the road you take back to respectability.

Speaking of unexpected presents, the folks at Arizona State should personally thank the Cardinals for taking some of the heat off them before the Monday morning talk shows. Saturday’s 49-21 debacle in Berkeley won’t be ignored, but it helps when you’re not the most recent football embarrassment in town.


Call me the next time the United States beats the rest of the world in anything.

Ryder Cup? Nope. We start the week talking about the scantily clad wives of the American team, then watched Tiger, Phil and the rest of the boys get undressed by the Euros.

This thing was a bigger boat race than the America’s Cup — which we also lose routinely.

Davis Cup? Please. Pete Sampras and Andre Agassi, where are you?

Even the U.S. women’s basketball team — normally a slam dunk for a gold medal — lost to Russia in the semifinals. If you can’t trust Diana Taurasi, who can you trust?


• Memo to coach Dirk Koetter: In case you were wondering, yes, the ASU-California game was televised in Phoenix.

• If the Diamondbacks are looking for the perfect going-away present for Luis Gonzalez, might I suggest a framed check for $500,000 — the amount the Tigers sent with Gonzalez to Arizona in the trade for Karim Garcia.

• After Week 1, Detroit’s Roy Williams said it was stupid how close the Lions were to scoring 40 points. He’s getting closer — Detroit now has 37 points after three games.

• Cheer up, Kurt Warner. That bruised psyche is nothing compared to Tampa Bay’s Chris Simms, who lost his spleen after the Bucs lost to Carolina and fell to 0-3.

• If Brandon Webb doesn’t win the NL Cy Young Award, it should go to Carlos Zambrano of the Cubs — who has won 16 games for a horrible, 63-win team and now has six home runs to boot. The guy should bat cleanup when he starts.

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