Satnan: If you need a ticket, they've got some to spare - East Valley Tribune: Opinion

Satnan: If you need a ticket, they've got some to spare

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Posted: Saturday, June 28, 2008 8:30 pm | Updated: 12:00 am, Sat Oct 8, 2011.

Sunday, SUNDAY, SUNDAY! Scoop up the kids, pile into the Family Truckster and head on out to Loop 101 in Scottsdale for the race of the decade!

Loop 101 cameras nab ‘habitual speeder’

Loop 101 speeder agrees to jail, stiff fines

You've read about them in the East Valley Tribune - now see them LIVE! The two titans of speeding tickets will rev 'em and run 'em from Via Linda to Scottsdale Road - 7 1/2 miles of rubberized asphalt assault!

Jennifer Bitton, the Las Vegas Leadfoot - The Law accuses her of racking up 22 photo enforcement speeding tickets in just 45 days. That's a lot of flashbulbs! Ka-chaow! The Department of Public Safety put her behind bars on suspicion of two counts of criminal speeding, reckless driving and one count of endangerment. If convicted, Bitton would face mandatory jail time and a hefty fine.

Fine? We'll tell you what's fine - free parking, and free hot dogs for the kids!

If we can spring her from the slammer, Bitton will face off with the reigning Princess of the Pavement - Francesca "Trash 'Em" Cisneros.

Race fans will remember that Cisneros, driving the No. 1 American Traffic Solutions Honda Civic, drew more than 70 speeding tickets between March 2 and July 31 in 2006. She told police at the time that she didn't think anything would happen to her if she simply threw the tickets away. Instead, she got tossed - into the Graybar Hotel! Cisneros spent five days in jail and paid more than $10,000 in fines in a plea deal.

You want a real deal? Bring your camera - if you don't trust the ones installed along the freeway - and get a shot of the family with the real Batmobile from TV's "Batman" show! You might even see Batman Adam West himself (Adam West's appearance not confirmed, or even expected, to be honest).

The Las Vegas Leadfoot vs. the Ticket Trasher! What a main event! But there's more - much, much more!

Special guest starter will be Scottsdale Mayor Mary Manross. When her scarf hits the road, the race is on! DPS Director Roger Vanderpool will wave the checkered flag and present the winner with a brand new, limited edition speeding citation, sponsored by the good folks at Chico's Bail Bonds - made famous in "The Bad News Bears"!

All this and more at the smokin' Loop 101 dragway, where the great ones run (but cannot escape justice)!

DISCLAIMER: Subject to approval by all following parties: Bitton, Cisneros, the city of Scottsdale, the Department of Public Safety, the Scottsdale Police Department and camera operators Redflex and American Traffic Solutions - that ain't gonna happen, but we can dream, can't we?

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