It just goes to show you that all records are made to be broken. More than three years ago, Damon Stoudamire is busted by Tucson airport security for carrying marijuana, wrapped in tin foil, through a metal detector.
Hold all calls. We have a winner in the category of dumbest athlete/grass/airport security tale ever. All the rest pale, right?
Not so fast. Now we have the continuing episodes of Ron Mexico, er, Michael Vick, who reluctantly surrendered — oh, let’s call it “The Original Water-nator” — to security Wednesday at Miami International Airport.
Upon closer inspection, officials said Vick’s water bottle (hello, you can’t carry water on a plane anymore, Mike; it was in all the papers) smelled like marijuana and had a hidden compartment containing, ahem, a substance.
On the dumb-meter, Stoudamire is still the champ (I wonder if he’ll try a one-quart clear plastic bag next time?) But in both stature and money, Vick had more to lose and his history of poor decisions both on and off the field makes his stunt potentially more destructive.
• Indianapolis 28, New England 21: I know, I know. When is he going to learn? How many times do the Patriots have to beat the Colts in the playoffs? How many bad postseason games does Peyton Manning have to put up? How many times can you side with a Tony Dungy-coached team?
One more time. The Colts are home. They are the better team. Their defense is playing great in the postseason. And this time, Adam Vinatieri is on their side.
But if they lose this one, that’s it. I quit. Done. Finished.
• New Orleans 20, Chicago 10: I know I’m setting myself up for two weeks of Hurricane Katrina stories — the Mississippi Mannings vs. “Tales from the Superdome” — but the alternative is to back Rex Grossman in the most important game of his life. No thanks.
The Bears could win this game with weather and defense alone if Devin Hester gets loose one time. But the Saints will find ways to score, and that will force Grossman to the air. And what will happen then? Da picks.
• Barry Bonds says that Pete Rose and Mark McGwire should be in the Hall of Fame? How stunning. I’ll bet Barry thinks “Shoeless” Joe Jackson, Marge Schott and Jason Grimsley should be in Cooperstown as well.
• The Suns had their 15-game winning streak snapped by Gilbert Arenas (54 points) and Washington on Dec. 22. Now they have won 11 straight again, and if they sweep Portland and Minnesota at home this weekend, they will take a 13-game winning streak to Washington D.C., where Arenas and the Wizards will be waiting next Tuesday.
• Now with time on his hands, Dennis Green is considering the idea of doing an outdoors show, “Fishing with Denny.” I can see it now. Everyone on the show will compete for the biggest catch of the day, and at the end of the show — Denny will crown their bass.