Maybe Diamondbacks general manager Josh Byrnes was delirious from the muggy Washington, D.C., summer when he said Tuesday that the club has had internal discussions about signing out-of-work slugger Barry Bonds to balance the team’s predominantly right-handed lineup.
Maybe he was just doing Commissioner Bud Selig a solid. After all, major league teams can’t be colluding to keep Bonds out of baseball if the Diamondbacks are “considering” bringing him back in.
Whatever the truth, it got us thinking about the possibility of baseball’s home run king donning Sedona Red, Sonoran Sand and black.
Would Diamondbacks fans ignore his ample baggage if Bonds could engineer frequent splashes in the right-center-field pool?
Would his mere presence get the turnstiles spinning at Chase Field?
Or would the Diamondbacks become the pariah of major league baseball?
Would the club adopt a new mascot in the form of a syringe?
We compiled a list of pros and cons, but we want to know what you think about the possibility of Bonds joining the D-Backs.
E-mail us your thoughts at ||firstname.lastname@example.org||mailto:email@example.com|| or post a comment below. Your humor, creativity and candor are welcome.
• Classes up Diamondbacks clubhouse. Barcaloungers for everyone and an extra wide-screen TV — although no one else can watch it.
• National press discovers Major League Baseball has team in Arizona!
• Easier access to prescription drugs for all D-Backs employees.
• Valley becomes memorabilia capitol of nation, convincing eBay to relocate headquarters from San Jose.
• Home run ball No. 756(*) rendered meaningless while every Chase Field homer becomes an onside kick drill.
• Barry Bonds AND Eric Byrnes for $11 million doesn’t sound so bad.
• Fox Sports Net Arizona premieres “The Barry Bonds Show.” In the opening episode, our host kicks it with Victor Conte, Matt Williams and Marion Jones.
• A month of Barry next March might save spring training in Tucson.
• Fans in left field get to heckle the whole game, not just when the opposition takes the field.
• Interactive concourse feature: How does your head size match up with the home run king?
• Randy Johnson rockets up to 24th-best interview on team.
• Jason Grimsley, Bobby Chouinard and Alberto Callaspo finally feel comfortable returning to Chase Field.
• ESPN’s Pedro Gomez gets off the soccer beat — and gets a chance to work from home.
• More charges pending than Michael Vick did.
• Don’t know if this matters, but the guy can’t run or play the field anymore; still chasing gapper hit in 2002.
• Urine testing would require hazmat suits.
• Added material required to cover his head puts MLB cap manufacturers in red.
• D-Backs health insurance costs skyrocket.
• One less Valley citizen for Sheriff Joe to deputize.
• Bonds is so old, he should be playing for the Suns, right?
• Outfield pool filled with flaxseed oil ... yuck.
• Ushers have to remove more signs in stands: “C’mon Barry, CREAM the ball and CLEAR the bases!”
• If anyone can get Bonds to walk the straight and narrow, it’s fiery manager … Bob Melvin?
• Giveaway nightmare: Word is Bonds bobblehead weighs more than 10 pounds.
• Daron Sutton and Mark Grace … wait, that doesn’t have anything to do with Bonds. Never mind.