December 31, 2004
We cannot bid adieu to 2004 without giving the worst of the worst a proper send-off.
So to the cinematic dregs of a year just hours away from completion, we raise a glass and toast, ‘‘Thanks for nothing!’’
‘‘Envy’’: The absolute worst flick of the year. Ben Stiller, Jack Black and Christopher Walken starred, if we must call it that, in an unfunny comedy about friends whose relationship is strained over dog doo.
‘‘Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid’’: The big ol’ snakes were back, but the campy fun of the 1997 original starring Jennifer Lopez was nowhere to be found.
‘‘Garfield: The Movie’’: It may be about the popular comic-strip cat, but this lame attempt to transition to the big screen turned out to be a dog of many weeks. And that’s with Bill Murray voicing the title role.
‘‘Christmas With the Kranks’’: Moviegoers were subjected to a couple of yuletide stinkers this year. Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis do all they can with a silly comedy that slides into sappy sentiment near the end.
‘‘The Dreamers’’: Bernardo Bertolucci’s passion-charged yawner starring Michael Pitt (‘‘Hedwig and the Angry Inch’’) as an impressionable American student in Paris.
‘‘Johnson Family Vacation’’: Jump-starting the formerly successful family ‘‘Vacation’’ premise Chevy Chase rode until the late ’90s, Cedric the Entertainer piles the family into the Lincoln Navigator to drive across four states to have it out with his braggart brother (Steve Harvey) at the annual family reunion.
‘‘Surviving Christmas’’: You knew this one was coming. Ben Affleck heads the cast in a comic misfire about a busy, lonely executive who rents a family for the holidays.
‘‘Welcome to Mooseport’’: Everybody may love Ray Romano on TV, but not on the big screen, at least not in a horribly dull bumpkin comedy.
‘‘The Big Bounce’’: Almost a full year has passed since this disjointed, sun-dried con-person comedy set in Hawaii hit screens in January.
‘‘Alexander’’: The only megabudget epic on this year’s underachiever list, Oliver
Stone’s talky, gawky tale of Alexander the Great proved the most fanny-numbing three hours of the year.